Fic: Adieu

Oct. 20th, 2012 11:23 pm
seeing_ghosts: (Dean - Faith)
[personal profile] seeing_ghosts

Adieu
Summary: Castiel comes back from Purgatory. Dean almost drowns in guilt.
Dean, Castiel, Sam, Dean/Cas, 3,000 words, PG-13

Written for, and inspired by a conversation with,[livejournal.com profile] destielchild and I blame her entirely! Also, I think there is some heavy UST, so I apologize for that, too.

Spoilers for 7x23 and all aired Season 8 episodes, just to be sure. Lyrics are from the song Adieu by Enter Shikari.

Fic is unbeta'd, english is not my first language, constructive criticism is always welcome.



And I long for you to appear
After losing your way across star-riddled skies
To carry you home



Cas appears in the middle of the motel room on an otherwise ordinary Saturday, close to midnight. Sam is sitting by his notebook and Dean is watching the tiny, crappy television from where he's perched on the floor, when the soft sound of flapping wings makes them both look up so fast their necks crack audibly.

Cas stands there, in his ruined trenchcoat and the hospital scrubs that used to be white and are now beyond recognition, his eyes trained on Dean as he says his name, simply and quietly.

Dean doesn't hear Sam gasp through the rush of blood drumming in his ears – all he knows is that suddenly he's not on the floor anymore; he's on his feet, his gun ready to fire in front of him; in his shaking hands, his trembling fingers.

"What the hell are you?" he bites out through the panic, hearing Sam call his name from somewhere far away. "What are you?"

"Dean," Castiel repeats, staring into Dean's eyes over the barrel of his gun, unperturbed. "It's me."

"No!" Dean shouts and readjusts his grip on the gun; it seems to be slipping from his fingers and sweaty palms, unwilling to be pointing anywhere in Cas's general direction. "I saw you – I saw – it can't be – "

"Dean."

It seems to be the only word Cas is capable of, repeating it with the same vigour, with the same emotion, as he ever has.

"I saw it fucking take you! You can't be – "

"Dean!"

This time it's Sam calling his name. He's standing now, his palms out. "Man, calm down. Don't do anything hasty, we'll run the test, we'll see – "

Dean's eyes flicker from Cas to Sam and back again and he licks his lips, shaking his head. "No," he says but it sounds weak even to his own ears, the blood still rushing through his heart into his head, into his shaking hands, making him dizzy and light headed. "It can't be," he repeats again but the grip on his gun loosens. Sam takes it as a sign to take a step closer to Cas, who hasn't taken his eyes away from Dean the whole time.

"Dude, I'm sorry but I gotta do this," Sam says to Cas, his voice gentle in contrast with the blade he has in his hand – Dean doesn't even remember seeing Sam get it from their duffels.

They go through the tests, trying everything they know – holy water, Borax, silver – and Cas passes with flying colors, his eyes only leaving Dean's to look up at Sam and offer a small smile when Sam finishes up with a loud exhale of breath.

"Welcome back, I guess?" he says and clasps Cas's shoulder. Cas murmurs a silent thank you and turns back to Dean, taking a step forward.

Dean keeps shaking his head, the gun still in his hand but hanging beside his body now, his other fist clenched. He remembers Cas's face when he last saw him, eyes wide and full of fear, an odd contrast with the calm serenity in them now.

"Ah, I'll go and get something to eat," Sam says from somewhere behind them. "I'll get you a burger, Cas, how's that sound?"

"Thank you, Sam," Cas says.

"Alright, so yeah, it will probably take a while to find something that's open now, and I'll eat something while I'm out, too, so, uh. It might take me some time."

Dean tears his eyes from Cas's face to look at his brother who's standing by the door with a hand on the door knob and a smile that's partly amused and partly really fucking touched.

They say nothing but Sam still nods, opens the door and goes, closing behind himself quietly and leaving Dean alone with Castiel.

Dean opens his mouth and closes it, and then opens it again. "How?" he croaks out, his voice rough with emotions he can't even identify, let alone name. Guilt. Relief. Something else entirely Dean doesn't let himself dwell on.

"It's the angels," Castiel replies. "They brough me back, somehow. I didn't bother to ask how exactly yet. I wanted to go to you first."

"Oh, god," Dean breaths out and it sounds too close to a sob for his liking; if he starts crying, Dean's going to fucking kill himself.

"I think we have established that I am not, in fact, a god," Castiel says, his lips drawn into a little sheepish smile.

"I thought you were dead, you asshole!" Dean barks out and takes the last two steps dividing them, wrapping his arms around Cas again. This time, Cas hugs him back.

With no prying eyes around, Dean allows himself to burrow his head in Cas's shoulder, grip his torn and dirty trenchcoat, rock them back and forth a little, from side to side. Cas stinks of sweat and mud and blood, even though there is no blood on him; he smells like no angel should ever smell but Dean couldn't care less.

"I'm sorry," he says. "If I'd known I would have – "

"I know," Cas cuts in. "You are not to blame, Dean."

Dean squeezes his eyes shut and takes a sharp breath, forcing the air down his tight throat. Then he pushes back, grips Cas by the shoulders and looks him straight in the eye. "You need a fucking shower, man," he says and Cas's lips twitch, "and a shave."



Dean gives Cas one of his old t-shirts and Sam's sweatpants, deciding to try and make Cas as comfortable as he can, since he failed at everything else.

He sits and listens to the running shower, pretending to watch the television while his mind wanders elsewhere; his heart drops somewhere to his stomach with the knowledge that he left Cas in there and didn't even try to get him out; that he assumed, with such certainty, that the angel was dead even when Dean knows that when push comes to shove Cas is a stubborn son of a bitch and wouldn't just croak.

It's almost funny how things have changed – a year ago, it has been Cas who owed them an apology. A year passes and it's the other way around.

"Maybe we're even now," Dean mumbles and closes his eyes.

As if on cue, the shower stops. Dean glances towards the bathroom door and then back to the television, pretending his heart isn't clogging his throat, that he isn't dreading the confrontation now that things are slowed down.

Cas steps out of the room looking entirely too small in Dean and Sam's clothes, and entirely too awkward just standing there like he's waiting for Dean's approval on his attire. Dean tries really, really hard not to snort at the sight of him.

"You still need a shave," he says instead and Castiel shuffles awkwardly in place.

"I do not know how to shave," he says after a beat and Dean's eyebrows rise.

"Oh," he says and then repeats it as it sinks in, "oh." He takes a breath and waves his hand in Cas's general direction. "Alright, uh, I guess I'll just show you, then."

He stands up and ushers Cas back into the bathroom, turning him by his shoulders and pushing him with a hand between his shoulder blades, Cas's body solid and warm underneath the thin t-shirt. They stop in front of the tiny mirror above the sink, their faces shadowed and worn out in the dimmed light of the room.

"I could show you," Dean says after a moment, "or I could just... Do it for you. Might be faster that way."

"I think I would prefer it if you did it, please," Cas says and Dean chuckles.

"Well, since you asked so nicely," Dean says and pushes Cas to sit on top of the bathtub, grabbing his shaving cream. "Good thing Sam's out, otherwise this would've been awkward."

"Why?" Cas asks, voice flat and even. Dean shrugs.

"Let's just say that this isn't something two dudes usually do for each other," he says and rubs the shaving cream between his hands. "Unless they're dying or something."

Dean smooths the cream across Cas's cheeks, refusing and ignoring the impuls to cup his face in his palms. Cas's eyes are locked on his face and Dean ignores that, too, even though he can feel his own cheeks flush under Cas's gaze.

"Why would you need shaving if you were dying?" Cas asks and Dean's hand falters a little as he reaches over for his razor, remembering how disracted and unfocused Cas was after taking on Sam's hallucinations and before Purgatory.

"It's a..." Dean starts and then shrugs. "Guess some of us would like to snuff it while clean-shaven," he finishes with a smirk, figuring he might as well play along with the question, looking Cas in the eye for a moment.

He positions the razor to Cas's jaw and Cas asks, "Is that why you were still shaving in Purgatory?"

Dean swallows and says, "keep still and stop talking, for crying out loud."

Cas does and Dean shaves him in silence only interupted by their breathing and the sharp drag of razor across skin. Once or twice he asks Cas to lift his head and lower it again but other than that, they don't talk at all.

It's much harder than he remembers it being, shaving someone else but himself. But then again, it's been years since he had to do it for Sam and it feels like apples and oranges anyway, comparing it. Cas is not Dean's brother, not in the same way Sam is – and honestly, Dean's not sure what Cas is to him, not after everything – and there's something intimate about what they're doing that was never there with Sam. Not when Sam was sixteen and Dean had to show him for the first time, or when Sam had his arm broken and was virtually useless for almost a month right before he left for Stanford.

Cas's eyes don't leave Dean's face for a second, not even when Dean's done and wipes the remaining bits of the cream off Cas's face with a towel.

"That's it," Dean says and smiles at him, patting his cheek lightly, "you're all shiny and new."

"Thank you," Cas says but neither of them move for a few seconds, and then Dean runs his fingers through Cas's still wet strands of hair, standing up in all directions, falling into Cas's eyes.

"You could probably use a haircut, too," he says quietly, brushing the hair back from Cas's forehead and rests his palm on top of Cas's head, swallowing through a throat too tight. "Cas," he says and closes his eyes, licks his lips, "god. I'm sorry I screwed up."

"Dean, don't," Cas says but he doesn't stand up or shake Dean's hand off, and Dean doesn't remove it either. For some reason he doesn't really want to.

"Shut up," he mutters, "you should be pissed. Be pissed! I know I would be."

"No," Cas says and only then reaches for Dean's wrist, pulling his hand down but keeping his fingers circled around it. "You wouldn't be. You weren't, when you found me."

"I kind of was," Dean says, admits, and Cas stands up. Dean tries to take a step back, to put some space between them but Cas is still holding his wrist and won't let him.

"No, you weren't, Dean. I can read you, I could read you. You were..." Cas stops then and his eyes flicker to the side. "You were looking for me while you could have left without. What happened wasn't your fault and you musn't blame yourself. I don't blame you."

Dean is shaking his head. "You stupid son of a bitch," he breaths out, biting his lip. "It's gonna get you killed one of these days. For real this time."

I'm gonna get you killed, is what Dean means, but he doesn't say.

Cas shrugs and lets go of Dean's wrist, and for the first time Dean realizes how close they're standing now that no one is keeping him in place but his own free will.

Dean expects Sam to walk back into the motel room at any given moment, doesn't know if he wants it to happen or not. But no one comes, there is no knocking or even the rumble of the Impala outside, so Dean swallows and says, "You should get some rest. If you, you know, need to. Want to."

"I'd like that, yes," Castiel says and Dean nods.

"Alright," he says, "okay," and then he starts moving and just like that, whatever was between them breaks now that they're animated again. Dean leaves the bathroom with a wildly beating heart, Cas walking close behind him.

Dean gives him Sam's bed; Sam can take his because Dean doesn't sleep on beds much anymore, anyway. Cas crawls onto it but not under the covers and hums when Dean asks him if he's fine. He fidgets and shuffles, though, as if he doesn't know how to even use a bed and Dean takes pity on him, then. He gets on top of his own and leans against the headboard and watches Cas mimic him.

The angel is asleep less then fifteen minutes later and Dean stares at him while he can, while no one is around. He should have asked, probably, if Cas's okay; Dean can't remember the last time Cas had to sleep, or the last time he actually did – he could go on forever with no rest at all, and if there's a tiny part of Dean that's freaked out by him falling under so smoothly, he stomps at it until it dies.



Sam comes back almost an hour after Cas falls asleep, long after Dean pulls the covers over him and turns off the sound on the TV, switches off all the lights.

Sam stops in the doorway, a cup of coffee in one hand, a styrofoam box in the other.

"Hey," he says then and closes the door slowly, careful not to make much noise. "Is he, uh," he nods towards Cas on the bed, "is he alright? Since he's sleeping and all that."

Dean shrugs. "I don't know," he answers truthfully. "I didn't get to ask him."

"Alright," Sam replies and smiles a little like he knows something Dean doesn't, that little shit. "I'm gonna put this in the fridge so Cas can eat it in the morning, and I guess I'll get another room."

"No," Dean says immediately, "you don't have to, I'll just – "

"You're not sleeping on the floor, Dean," Sam cuts in sharply. Dean opens his mouth to protest but Sam beats him to it. "It's got to stop, alright? You can't keep doing this, you're not... You're not in Purgatory anymore. You can sleep on the damn bed."

Dean wants to yell at him, wants to tell Sam that he has no idea; no right to tell him what he can and cannot do, and that mostly he just doesn't understand; but then he glances at Cas and it all dies in his throat.

"Sure," he says instead, "whatever you say, Samantha."

Sam grins as if he won the lottery, puts the burger in the fridge and goes for the door. He stops before he opens and looks back at Dean. "Dude... Are you okay?"

Dean shrugs again and tries to grin at his brother, but his face feels rubbery, uncooperative. "Sure," he says, "why shouldn't I be?"

Sam just shakes his head and closes the door, leaving Dean in the darkness sitting on top of a bed that feels almost alien to him, with a sleeping angel (or whatever Cas is now, after coming back) snoring softly in the bed next to Dean's.

Dean slips onto the floor and if he spends the rest of the night sitting on it watching Cas... Well, Sam's not around to see him.



Home could be anywhere
When I am holding you

Date: 2012-10-21 05:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] darkrose-9.livejournal.com
The sleeping on the floor thing. That really got me. I keep seeing Dean in that first episode, jittery and unable to sit on the bed.

Date: 2012-10-21 08:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
I know, right? Me too. If he can't even sit on it, how could he sleep on it? ;D

Thank you for reading and commenting!

Date: 2012-10-21 08:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sparrow-lately.livejournal.com
Excuse the fact that I am exhausted/feverish/slightly drunk and this will not get the coherence it deserves, but man oh man there is a lot about this that I really really like--for some reason Sam especially, walking some very delicate line in a very Samish (well, early-days-Samish) way, and Cas just dropping pretense and being kind of honesty with himself and Dean about the way they are and how they feel for one another and none of this guilt crap, Dean, just be happy for three seconds and aaah.

"I think we have established that I am not, in fact, a god," Castiel says, his lips drawn into a little sheepish smile.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT MY FEELINGS ARE DOING

Also: Guess some of us would like to snuff it while clean-shaven BWAH how very Dean.

Okay sorry for rambling and capslock.

Date: 2012-10-21 08:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Oh no no no, don't apologize, reviews like this are the best reviews, actually! ;D

Thank you so much! <3 Sam is my favourite to write, I think, and I don't even know why; but I guess that in my head he is the biggest Destiel shipper or something. As for Cas and Dean, as I see it, Purgatory took all comfort of pretense from them - for once in their lives they could just be honest with each other, right? AND DEAN WILL NEVER BE HAPPY.

Sorry for giving you feels! ;A;

And thank you so much and no no no, don't apologize. Thank you!

You just kind of gave me feels about my own fic? How pathetic is that! ;D

Date: 2012-10-21 08:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sparrow-lately.livejournal.com
You just kind of gave me feels about my own fic?

I feel I've reached some kind of fannish pinnacle here.
Edited Date: 2012-10-21 08:58 am (UTC)

Date: 2012-10-21 09:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Quite possibly. XD

Date: 2012-10-21 08:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] a-carnal-mink.livejournal.com

This is the best fic I've read in weeks, frankly. So quiet and intimate and with surprise!shaving (one of my most surest of surefire kinks). Thanks so much for that. X-)

Date: 2012-10-21 09:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Aaaw, that is so sweet, thank you so much! The shaving was actually the original prompt (of sorts) but that... Didn't really work out? Haha.

Thank you so, so much!

Date: 2012-10-21 09:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] destielchild.livejournal.com
I already told you that I love you for this ;____;

I also agree about the bed comment. You get Dean very well. I love that he's guilty and yet unable and even dreading talking about it. And I love the hair thing. And, unf, that was hot. And the way he put Cas to bed. So caring. What he can't say he shows with his actions.

This is a perfect pre-slash my dear :)

Date: 2012-10-21 01:21 pm (UTC)
ext_1368073: (Oh)
From: [identity profile] marieincolour.livejournal.com
"Is that why you were still shaving in Purgatory?"

That right there? That's the moment that made me bookmark this. Thanks for writing and sharing! :D

Date: 2012-10-21 01:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
<3

Thank you for reading and commenting!

Date: 2012-10-21 03:00 pm (UTC)
ext_18500: My non-fandom OC Oraania. She's crazy. (Dean Still Loves Him)
From: [identity profile] mimi-sardinia.livejournal.com
"Is that why you were still shaving in Purgatory?"

I loved the mention of that. Cas grew a beard while there but Dean didn't? Does not compute. Now Dean shaving with that Purgatory blade, or some sharpened rock, that makes sense (it also says "Badass!" to me too, since even the Purg-chete didn't look like it had the straightest edge on it).

Maybe with Cas there, Dean with start to recover properly.

Date: 2012-10-21 03:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
The mere fact that Cas grew a beard does not compute, to be honest! And I think that Dean probably shaved with Ruby's demon-killing knife, which, also, has no straight edges? Dean is a badass, even when shaving. Especially when shaving.

(Hahah, Purg-chete! That is amazing.)

Thank you very much for reading and commenting! <3

Date: 2012-10-21 03:13 pm (UTC)
ext_18500: My non-fandom OC Oraania. She's crazy. (Emanuel - Worried)
From: [identity profile] mimi-sardinia.livejournal.com
I tend to think Cas was cut off from a lot of his power while in Purgatory, so he had to allow for some bodily functions to keep going instead of holding them back. Hence, hair growth (who knows what else he had to live with, but maybe he lived with a lot of them while he was Emanuel too).

(My own invention after I saw someone refer to the weapon as a machete.)

Date: 2012-10-21 03:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
I was actually thinking about it, too. I hope they adress it, though - letting Cas, who never even looked remotely dirty or disheveled no matter what he did, grow a beard doesn't seem accidental - especially since Dean didn't. It has to be connected to some kind of a power shortage on Cas's side. :(

(Bwahahah, I am so done. I hereby declare it to be the official name of the thing.)

Date: 2012-10-21 03:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] borgmama1of5.livejournal.com
Exquisitely written--I could see every expression on Dean's face as I read this.

I doubt we will get something this emotionally satisfying on the show, so I especially appreciate that you gave it to us!

Date: 2012-10-21 03:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Thank you so much - that is what I was aiming for! I'm so glad you liked it.

No, I don't think Show will let us have this much schmoop, either. ;D I am, however, very certain that it will be emotional enough for all of us.
Edited Date: 2012-10-21 03:22 pm (UTC)

Date: 2012-10-21 03:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] monteseverus.livejournal.com
This story needs to happen SO BAD! Your interpretation feels so real in the ways you had Sam, Dean and Cas expressing themselves. I agree with everyone else, this is just what I needed to read. The simple forgiveness here is exactly what I thought I saw between them in Purgatory. And Dean shaving Cas <3 <3 <3 I Like Your Style!!!!!!!

Date: 2012-10-21 04:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
:D Hahah! Thank you so much. I'm glad you liked it and that it rang true to you; I did try to base it on the Purgatory flashback from 8x02 and turn it around a little, with Dean being the one in need of forgiveness this time (even though I went a bit extreme for obvious reasons ;D).

Thank you so very much! <3

Date: 2012-10-21 04:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zed-leppelins.livejournal.com
Most of the things I have to say have already been written in other comments, so I'll avoid being redundant and just say that this was lovely, absolutely fantastic, and definitely the best fic I've read in quite a while, so thank you! (:

Date: 2012-10-21 04:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Aaaaaw! ;A; Everyone is being so nice to me, I cannot even.

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it! Thank you! <3

Date: 2012-10-23 08:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zed-leppelins.livejournal.com
D'oh, you're welcome! You deserve all that love, darlin' (;

Date: 2012-10-21 05:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] roque-clasique.livejournal.com
This is so lovely and I really hope to see as touching a reunion on the show.

Date: 2012-10-21 05:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Thank you so much! I somehow doubt we will, though. ;)

Date: 2012-10-21 06:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] roque-clasique.livejournal.com
I know ;_; Which is why fic is so necessary!!!

Date: 2012-10-21 06:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Fanfics are the best things invented since the flush toilet. Or something. ;D

Date: 2012-10-25 10:06 am (UTC)
geckoholic: (SPN Dean+Cas5)
From: [personal profile] geckoholic
This is great, BB, feels real and in tune with current canon! ♥

Date: 2012-10-25 01:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Aaaw, thank you so much! <3 I'm so glad you liked it. ;-;

Date: 2012-10-26 07:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kissed-away.livejournal.com
Gosh this is so lovely. I adored it. :) Everyone was perfectly in-character and I could even read it in their voices.

Are you planning on doing any more?
Edited Date: 2012-10-26 07:54 pm (UTC)

Date: 2012-10-28 03:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Aw, thank you so much! I'm glad you think so, I always try to write in 'their voices' (= their speech patterns). I'm happy when it works! :)

Am I planning on doing any more what? Fic? Or a sequel to this? The former - absolutely; the latter - not currently, no.

Thank you so much for reading and commenting! <3

Date: 2012-10-30 01:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] juppschmitz.livejournal.com
Bb, I loved this so so much. Everything I'm looking for in a Dean/Cas fic. What I love most - regardless of the actual contents of the fic - is that both their voices are just perfect. Exactly the essence of what I love about them on Show. Cas shyly joking, Dean seemingly like a bully but putty underneath.

Sam's voice (to me at least) didn't ring quite as true, which to me is a good thing, actually - I'd yet have to actually see him as determinedly concerned for Dean as you write him. ("You're not sleeping on the floor, Dean," Sam cuts in sharply.) Especially the way Sam's been acting the past few episodes. While I'm pretty sure that there's something wrong that makes Sam act this way, Dean's probably just confused and pretty much upset...

As a little thank you for this fic let me show you something I found on tumblr:

At the meet n greet, after the Carver comment that Misha made, we all must’ve made astonished faces because Misha impatiently said, I think the love there is made pretty clear.
And I said, Sure, on Cas’s part, its well established that he loves Dean, but i don’t think it is on Dean’s side. (yes, arguing just to get him to elaborate, I’m bad)
And he sorta rolled his eyes and said, C’mon, in the first few episodes, Dean’s running around Purgatory, chopping off heads, Where’s the angel, where’s the angel, you know, the guy I’m in love with?
Us: I DON’T REMEMBER DEAN SAYING THAT!!
Misha: He might as well have. You know, we know what it is, what’s going on. We don’t talk about it. The actors don’t, Jensen and I don’t. But we’re all perfectly aware of how the relationship is, the writers are completely aware of how it’s being written. It may be unspoken but that doesn’t mean it’s not there or not true.


(http://lurea.tumblr.com/post/34536825294/at-the-meet-n-greet-after-the-carver-comment-that)

Date: 2012-10-30 03:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Aw, thank you so much! <3 I'm glad I got them right; I'm always especially worried about Cas, he gives me trouble! ;D Dean I love to write, it's almost like a therapy for me. Cas, however, is kind of difficult, even though it's gotten easier with current canon for some reason.

Thank you for the insight on my Sam-voice. I've been told before that I write Sam kind of young-ish; as the younger version of him. I suppose it is true and I do realize it could be kind of jarring, and I apologize for that - I will pay more attention to his characterization in the future. But I think the problem with Sam for me is that I write him like I want to see him, rather than how he is currently (which I do with most of the characters, actually). I cannot see him as anything but caring towards Dean, because I don't really want to see him as anything but caring.

But oh well. Thank you for pointing it out, I will watch out for it! <3

And oh that article. I've read it already and I'm torn between eternal squee and being really freaking sceptical because it's almost too good to be true. But we shall see. And anyway, it's nice to see Misha viewing Dean's behavior like I personally do, to be honest, hahah!

But really, this sentence, "the writers are completely aware of how it’s being written." THIS. I've been saying this for so long - I know that I put a lot of thought into what I write and how I write it, and I can't say that I agonize over every word but I do ponder over how it could be read, how it could be viewed, all the different meanings it could have. But damn, those people do it professionally, they spend much, much more time on it then I do (and most of fanfic writers do, I think), so yes, I'm really sure the writers know very well what they're doing; if there is subtext, then they are damn well aware of it.

Date: 2012-10-30 04:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] juppschmitz.livejournal.com
Oh nonononono! Don't change your Sam! Please don't! I do find him different from show!Sam, but this is a GOOD THING! Because, if show!Sam was more like yours, I think I'd be able to enjoy anything to do with him much better. You know, even sympathize with him occasionally. Because as it is? Not so much. I must say, I find him kind of grating most of the time. *shrugs* Sorry, can't help it.

So, again, please don't change your Sam! :)

And that article *sighs*, yes... My favourite line: Where’s the angel, where’s the angel, you know, the guy I’m in love with? Even if we never actually get that "love" explicitly in canon, at least now we all know it's there and the people involved in making the show happen are aware of it! *nods* And I'm happy enough to at least know it's not all Dean/Cas girl imagination...
Edited Date: 2012-10-30 04:28 pm (UTC)

Date: 2012-10-31 07:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Hahah! Well, thank you then! I'll take it as a compliment. ;D But I do think that as a writer I should aspire to write the characters as much IC as I possibly can. So I'll try to give more thought to Sam's story arc and current characterization in canon but write him like I always do, just explain his behavior better and clearer? How's that sound?

As for you not liking Sam very much; I think that's completely alright! We all have are preferences and as long as you're civil about yours and don't hate for no reason, you can like and dislike whoever you want! ;) I personally love Sam as a character, but I won't shame you just because you don't, like I often see people do. You are not obliged to love all major (or even main, in this case) characters. ;)

Yes, exactly! Even though I don't think Destiel will ever be canon (by which I mean they won't ever have a 'relationship' or say the L word to each other and so on) it's still nice to get validated like this by Misha himself. And what makes a pairing canon, anyway? Do they have to kiss? Do they have to admit to loving each other? Hold hands? Have sex on-screen? Riddle me this.

Date: 2012-11-02 01:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] juppschmitz.livejournal.com
You know what, you write Sam the way you feel is best and this way I can get a new way of looking at him and learn to appreciate him better! Win - win :)

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags