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[personal profile] seeing_ghosts

Winter sun
Summary: Dean gets seriously ill while stuck in Purgatory. Castiel can't help; all he can do is wait. 
Dean, Castiel, gen, 1,000 words, PG-13, warning for possible character death

Written for the S7 Finale Meme hosted by [livejournal.com profile] mad_server, for this prompt by [livejournal.com profile] rainylemons. Fic is unbeta'd, english is not my first language, constructive criticism is always welcome. 

I loved the season finale so much. The Hellatus is going to be... Well, hellish.

Also, it has been brought to my attention that I might have falsely, or to be more precise poorly, tagged the story since it contains what can be read as a death of a major character. I apologize to anyone who might have been traumatized by this  - we all know what it's like to read something we do not enjoy and a death!fic most certainly is just that for some people. I did not mean any harm to anyone - I just didn't realize I have written such a story; in my head, no one dies at the end of it. Once again, my sincerest apologies for this mess-up.


They've been on the run for weeks it seems – of course Dean cannot be sure because there is no way to measure the time. No sunrise, no sunset, no moving stars or moon or anything, really; just never-ending darkness of the deepest night Dean has ever seen.

Castiel is not of much help, either. He sticks by Dean but has no answers for him besides, 'we need to run, Dean,' and he tags Dean behind him, sometimes lets him stumble in front of him, ocassionally grabs at his upper arm and angel-teleports him elsewhere.

It makes Dean nauseous but Castiel just urges him forward, whispering that they have no time for rest yet.

Now that Dean thinks about it rationally, they couldn't have been running for more than a few hours but he's exhausted; weary and scared despite his better judgement (he faces those things everyday, dammit, why should he be scared now?) and he's worried about Sam.

"Is Sam here, Cas?" he asks.

Castiel doesn't even turn to face him when he replies, "I do not think so, no."

"Good," Dean says, "that's good."

Then his eyes close and the last thing he feels is his body slamming against the cold, wet ground that smells like smoke and blood.



Waking up is difficult. Dean's eyelids are heavy and he's cold and miserable; all he wants is to go back to sleep and wake up in a motel room that might smell wrong and musty but is warm at least, and it has Sam in it.

When he finally opens his eyes all he sees is the starless Purgatory sky and Castiel's face hovering above him.

"The hell," he mutters and groans, tries to roll over but his head starts pounding when he moves. "Fuck."

Castiel hushes him. "It's alright, you can rest. We are safe now."

"Where are we?" Dean asks and the taste in his mouth is all wrong, as if he spent hours puking. "And why is my head in your lap, Cas."

"I thought it might be more comfortable than the ground," Castiel replies, looking down at Dean. "In answer to your previous question, we are on the outskirts of Purgatory, where the least powerful souls are in hiding. They are... Repelled by my grace. For now."

Dean closes his eyes and swallows. "Huh," he manages to grit out. His whole body hurts, all his joints ache and his lungs are pierced by sharp pain whenever he takes a breath. His head is the worst, however, the headache now hammering inside his skull with the force of a thunderstorm, making him nauseous.

What the fuck is happening to me, he thinks and Castiel either reads his mind or he said it out loud.

"I believe your deteriorating state is caused by the nature of Purgatory," Cas says and Dean cracks one eye open, glaring at him.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he says.

"No humans are supossed to be here," Castiel explains, "I had no idea how it would affect you at first, but it seems to be making you ill."

"No shit," Dean says and closes his eyes again. "Can't you just snap your fingers and heal me?"

"Apparently not," Castiel replies, "I tried already, but you have not gotten better."

"Well, shit," Dean groans.



"Why is it so cold? Was it always this cold?"

Dean is shivering now. He has no idea how long they have been on the same spot, unmoving – Castiel sitting with his back to a tree with Dean's head in his lap.

"You are feverish, Dean. The temperature of the air has not changed."

"That's just swell," Dean says.



Either it's getting colder and colder or Dean is getting worse – he can't tell. He's been throwing up for the past couple hours and shivering like a leaf and somehow he crawled further into Castiel's lap, searching for warmth.

"Dean, this is not helping," Castiel says and his hand is resting against Dean's forehead.

"I'm cold," Dean mutters, not even bothering to open his eyes anymore, "you're warm. I don't see the problem here."

His voice is raspy, weak; his throat feels as swollen as his eyes do.

"The problem is that you are feverish and me raising your temperature with my own body heat is not making you better."

"I feel better," Dean says and he doesn't care that he's pathetic, that he's almost sitting in Castiel's lap, the Cas is running his hand through Dean's hair – all he cares about is getting warmer.



"I think I might be dying," Dean says.

"You are not dying," Castiel replies without missing a beat. "I actually think you cannot die here."

"Huh." Dean clears his throat. "Like in Hell?" he asks and feels Castiel shift baneath him.

He manages to push Dean down, back to their previous position with only Dean's head resting on Castiel's thigh.

"Yes, that comparison seems accurate," he says and his voice is low, soothing.



Castiel drags Dean somewhere and then drops him in water; it feels more like a bucket of ice or something – it stings like thousands of needles digging into Dean's skin and he cries out, grabbing at Castiel's forearms trying to pull himself up.

"Dammit Cas," he says, whines, shrieks almost, "get me the fuck out!"

"I need to get your temperature down, Dean. Please, don't fight me."

"Yeah, I know, you don't wanna fight," Dean grits through his teeth and then gasps, "dammit. Get me out!"

"I just need to get your temperature down. Just a minute, hold on."

Dean's body goes limp, succumbing to the pain, the illnes, the despair. He doesn't let go of Castiel's forearms but he stops fighting, stops trying to pull himself out. He just shivers.

"Open your eyes, Dean," he hears Castiel say and when he doesn't Castiel shakes him a little. "Don't go to sleep."



"Please, don't do that again," Dean whispers, his teeth chattering, his whole body spasming. They're back by the tree now, Dean soaking wet and cold and miserable, curled against Castiel's side.

"I'm sorry, Dean," Castiel says but makes no promises and Dean swallows painfully.



Dean's pretty sure he's dying – he's too tired to even shiver. He's listening to Castiel talk even though his voice sounds very, very far away – about bees, most of the time; about flowers. He talks about his garrison, too, and about what he used to do before everything crapped out after he rescued Dean from Hell.

"Sorry," Dean mutters, not really sure what he's apologizing for.

"You are not to blame for anything," Castiel says and then continues with his stories as if Dean had not spoken at all.



"You're going to be alright, Dean, go to sleep. Everything will be better when you wake up, I promise."

Castiel tugs Dean closer to him; there is no way to help him now so Castiel tries to offer any comfort he can. He isn't sure Dean is even conscious to appreciate it, however – he just lies curled next to Castiel, eyes heavy-lidded and dull, staring off into space.

"You can rest, Dean," Castiel says, "I will keep watch. You are safe here."

Dean hums and shifts and closes his eyes, letting out a long, heavy breath. Then he stills completely.



Castiel is sure Dean cannot die in Purgatory, much like he couldn't die in Hell. It doesn't make him feel any better, though; he remembers putting Dean back together after raising him from the Pit, basically jump-starting his heart – feeling it stop beating again not being able to do anything to help is not something Castiel wants.

He sits, runs his hand through Dean's hair and over his clammy skin and waits.

Dean should be waking up anytime now. But he isn't.



Castiel can feel his grace twich restlessly with each passing minute, sitting on the ground with Dean's body next to him, eyeing the red-eyed souls in the distance.

Dean will wake up. Any second now.


Date: 2012-05-20 12:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] destielchild.livejournal.com
Wow. I have a thing for quality whump! And Dean!whump is a rare. I am giving you all the cookies, seriously. Amazing. Do you want to actually continue this?! I'd love to read more.

Date: 2012-05-20 12:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Thank you so much (for the cookies!) I'm so glad you like it. But no, I fear that is all there is to this fic. But I think I will never say no to a Purgatory fic - the possibilites are endless!

Date: 2012-05-20 12:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dazedrose.livejournal.com
My heart it be ripped out. Cas forever waiting for Dean to return... Argh!!!

Date: 2012-05-20 12:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
The prospect is quite heartbreaking...

Thank you for reading!

Date: 2012-05-20 01:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] castodean.livejournal.com
That was bloody amazing! Loved it to bits and pieces.
Great job.

Date: 2012-05-20 01:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Thank you very much!

Date: 2012-05-20 02:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] honeylocusttree.livejournal.com
Mmm. Love that ending.

Date: 2012-05-20 02:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Thank you! I'm glad it worked for you.

Date: 2012-05-20 02:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mad-server.livejournal.com
OMG SO SAD.

I love Dean wanting to get into Cas' lap and being all, "I see no issue here" even as he's all embarrassed about the snuggling. And for some reason having him say that he feels better (being warmed up by Cas) did things to me! Thingnnggs. ♥

Date: 2012-05-20 02:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Dean just wants to be cuddled, really, and won't even allow himself to be unless he's dying. :( Now I made myself sad.

Thank you so much, I'm glad you liked it!

Date: 2012-05-20 02:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thruterryseyes.livejournal.com
very well done. And tense. And sometikmes a not happy ending works beautifully.

Date: 2012-05-20 03:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Thank you! Personally, I love non-happy-ends and I'm glad it worked for you, too!

Date: 2012-05-20 05:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tifaching.livejournal.com
What a fantastic fill for that prompt. Dean's deterioration was so clearly visualized. And Cas doing what he could and having it not be enough.

Heartbreaking, but perfect.

Date: 2012-05-20 05:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Thank you very much! I'm glad you like it.

Date: 2012-05-20 05:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lilhellsangel.livejournal.com
That's....awesome and heartbreaking at the same time. Very well done. :)

Loved the line " Everything will be better when you wake up, I promise.", especially since Dean said the words in earlier years to Sam as well.

Are you planning to answer more prompts? (:

Date: 2012-05-20 05:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
'Heartbreaking' and 'awesome' are the same thing in my book, I'm afraid. :)

I think it's nice someone finally said it to Dean instead of it being the other way around. He deserves some reassuring and comfort, too.

Yes, yes I definitely am! Whatever catches my eye.

Thank you very much for reading, I'm glad you like it!

Date: 2012-05-20 09:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cearney.livejournal.com
Oh that ending was so sad yet sweet and it calls for part 2. Are you going to continue or is this a one shot?
Either way, it's a wonderful piece. ^^

Date: 2012-05-20 09:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Thank you. No, I have no plans to continue this, but I'm sure I will come back to Purgatory fics in the future. :)

Thank you very much, I'm glad you like it!

Date: 2012-05-20 11:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] antrazi.livejournal.com
Very heartbreaking. And poor Castiel

Date: 2012-05-21 05:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Ys, poor Cas indeed. Thank you for reading!

Date: 2012-05-20 11:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] skiing-pelican.livejournal.com
So bittersweet... Thank you for sharing this!

Date: 2012-05-21 05:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Thank you for reading!

Date: 2012-05-21 01:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maypoles.livejournal.com
Omg, that ending! <3

I love the way you wrote Dean and Castiel's relationship. This was in turns creepy and tender, and always lovely!

Date: 2012-05-21 05:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Thank you very much! Deab and Cas' relationship is at all times fascinating.

Thank you for reading, I'm so glad you like it!

Date: 2012-05-21 03:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] twasadark.livejournal.com
Ooooh - this is wonderfully well-done! Chilling and evocative and surprising at the end. Kudos, my dear!

Date: 2012-05-21 05:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Thank you very much, I'm glad you like it!

Date: 2012-05-21 05:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] awillowcabin.livejournal.com
Such a great little ficlet! Especially loved the ending and those last two lines. So awesome.

Date: 2012-05-21 05:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Thank you very much, I'm glad it worked for you!

Date: 2012-05-21 06:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] melalucci.livejournal.com
:( Maybe it should be tagged for angst or character death?

Date: 2012-05-21 07:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
I'm sorry if I upset you. I believe I tagged this fic for angst everywhere I posted it (and if not that is really a failure from my side and I apologize) but it's true that I did not tag it for character death because I've never seen it as such. In my head it's not a death!fic, so I didn't realize...

I will go and tag the fic appropriately. I'm sorry.

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From: [identity profile] melalucci.livejournal.com - Date: 2012-05-22 05:30 am (UTC) - Expand

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Date: 2012-05-21 03:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lexslave.livejournal.com
that was glorious. my poor woobies. cas will never leave him.......

Date: 2012-05-21 07:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
No, he most definitely won't.

Thank you very much!

Date: 2012-05-21 05:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] monteseverus.livejournal.com
My poor heart is laying dead on the floor right now. Wow what a story. :*(***

Date: 2012-05-21 07:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Sorry for killing your heart! Thank you very much for reading, though. :)

Date: 2012-05-22 03:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] franzzypants.livejournal.com
yes! this is perfect. thank you

Date: 2012-05-22 09:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Thank you; for reading.

Date: 2012-05-22 07:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] guardian-chaos.livejournal.com
This is a beautiful piece of fiction! It's so raw and visceral, leaping wonderfully from lilting to jarring with Dean's own train of thought, very much like people do think when they're sick and feeling a little off. The description of Dean being dunked underwater was great, and I loved Castiel's voice.

And the end is suitably horrifying, very much suiting Castiel's worries for Dean. You can tell that Castiel is trying very hard to keep believing that Dean can't die in Purgatory, even as he begins to wonder, more and more, what if I'm wrong?

Lovely! I hope you plan to write more Purgatory!verse. :)

(also, apologies if this just posted multiple times. I seem to be having some browser issues, and I honestly cannot see if this comment is getting through or not. O_o)

Date: 2012-05-22 10:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Thank you so very much. I'm glad this worked so well for you. Thank you!

That's what I wanted to say - Cas is very worried for Dean and at the end he is still convinced that Dean can't die while in Purgatory but there's this nagging feeling -- I'm very happy you could see that in my writing! :)

(No worries, I have only recieved this once! I wouldn't mind seeing such a lovely comment twice, though, hahah.)

Date: 2012-05-23 05:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rainylemons.livejournal.com
Aw, God. Stab through the heart. It almost doesn't matter in a way what happens 2 or 23 seconds after the end of the story because where it ended, right at that moment is just so sharp, poignant, and beautifully hopeful. It's like it doesn't matter if Cas has to sit there for a year because he believes, he knows, he has faith that Dean will wake up. (Because he needs him to.) BEAUTIFUL.

Date: 2012-05-23 08:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Thank you so much, I'm so glad you like it and that the ending worked so well for you. Thank you for the amazing prompt!

Date: 2012-05-31 03:49 am (UTC)
majorshipper: (♂ where the wild things are)
From: [personal profile] majorshipper
Ugh, right in the feels. All the feels. The painful feels. DX

Aside from the goodbadangst pain, this was beautifully short and to the point, sparse but not overly-so. Just enough detail to tell you what's happening, and just enough spaces to let you guess at the rest. I love dark, angsty fics like this, so just, guh. Awesome.

now let me drown my sorrows with happy fic...

Date: 2012-05-31 07:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Um... I'm sorry for hitting you in the feels?

Thank you very much, I'm glad you liked it despite all the angst. ;)

Date: 2012-05-31 09:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] juppschmitz.livejournal.com
Dean and Castiel's friendship (not in a romantic or even sexual way) is like my most favouritest thing in SPN. Being a Dean girl I measure all other characters against how good they are for Dean, and Cas comes in way above everyone else, even Sam (just to me that is, I'm not trying to make anyone else see it that way :)). So what you did here played exactly into my need to read more about this. Finally Dean got a chance to "lay his weary head to rest". And who knows, they both might get saved, the ending was open enough to allow that.

Thanks a lot for this beautiful beautiful story. *sighs* I wish there was more like this...

Date: 2012-06-01 08:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Everything you said - exactly my thoughts (maybe besides the Sam part - I still haven't decided on that). I love their canon relationship - friendship - especially in season 5 and it fascinates me enough without the added values (love and sex) fandom so often attributes to them. It's also something that I feel is lacking in fanfiction, so I loved to write it. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it! ♥

Thank you so very much!

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From: [identity profile] juppschmitz.livejournal.com - Date: 2012-06-01 12:22 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com - Date: 2012-06-01 12:35 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From: [identity profile] juppschmitz.livejournal.com - Date: 2012-06-01 12:52 pm (UTC) - Expand

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Date: 2012-06-06 03:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vicious-sanity.livejournal.com
This was so sad. I kind of thought you were going to have Cas put Dean out of his misery in hopes he would reset. I was surprised when Dean just...stopped and found myself holding my breath, waiting. Then it was over. Poor Cas will probably never stop waiting.

That being said...I loved it!
Edited Date: 2012-06-06 03:25 am (UTC)

Date: 2012-06-07 06:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seeing-ghosts.livejournal.com
Castiel has a lot of faith in Dean and Dean is stubborn. They will probably pull through. :)

Thank you very much, I'm glad you liked it!

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